guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I believe in your delicious
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
