you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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