So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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