he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
