Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
