My sheets look like a crime scene.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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