I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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