jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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