I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
