I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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