There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
