C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
