I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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