My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
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he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
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He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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