there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
two words...techno handjob
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
