we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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