There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
