dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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