Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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