was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
