As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
