Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
