so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
barbara walters just said penis...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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