bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
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If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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