can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
