does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
