I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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