I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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