When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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