I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
