I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
