Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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