your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
