I think my vagina is haunted
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
