Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize