I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
