You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
