AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
