im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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