If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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