then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
