i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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