put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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