btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Found the puke drawer
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
