Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
