I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
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I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
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You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
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