somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
