Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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