my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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