Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Randomize