I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize