drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
