well you can't waste a boner
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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