Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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