Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
