Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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