Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You were trust falling into bushes
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
