That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
