If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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