last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
