i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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