when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
