Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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