I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
