your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
