We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
