I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
