He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
